I am the person who walks into a room and takes about 10-15 mins just observing people and subtly deciding who I’m gonna interact with and who could potentially be a friend. I never jump right in because I like meaningful and legit interactions which explains why most of my friendships never start up on a good note. Most first impressions I get from people is that I am stuck up, but that’s just because I am reserved and don’t jump right in, but when you get pass my stuck up, you would realize that there’s a soft cushion underneath. I can hear my friend Gaby telling me Vaneh, “You need to talk to more people, you talk to about 8 people who we went to high school with”. This is so true and while my friend may be right, the people you keep around take a lot of your energy and you take in their energy as well, so at some point I had to started asking myself if it was worth it and if that’s the type of energy that I need in my life, hence why I have a very small and tight circle.
People whom I consider friends are people that I would go above and beyond for. They are people who would lift me up, believe in me and are there for me even when I don’t deserve it and I would do the same for them. There are some people that I’ve been friends with for 15+ years and this point they become family because we have probably been through the good, the bad and the ugly. I’ve friends that I could look at in a situation and know exactly what they want or what they are laughing about without them saying a word. It takes work to get to this point with someone but it’s also amazing to know that you have people who gotchu. Hence Here are the top 5 reasons why I keep my circle small.
PRIVACY
I’m a very private person, some people have even said that I am secretive. I enjoy my privacy and I don’t like sharing my entire life with the world. I share my special moments only with the special people in my life and people I believe deserve to know, because not everyone needs to know my business. Hence you may never really see anything which tells you about my personal life on social media, except maybe snapchat and that’s because I’ve like 20 people on there that I actually know. Even within my close circle there are probably one or two friends who really know what is going on in my personal life because I always ask myself this question “DO THEY DESERVE TO KNOW?”
HONESTY AND REALNESS
One of my virtues which is also my vice is that I am very honest. Some people have described me as blunt aka my older sister. This is because I have no time for bullshit and I admire people who can be themselves no matter the situation and don’t feel like they have to switch up to fit in. This is one of the reasons why I would always love Cardi B. I like the people around me to be able to call me in when I am acting a fool without feeling like they have to sugarcoat anything because I would know it’s from a place of love. I like when people keep it real and authentic, which is why it’s always been hard for me to fake smile or be super friendly with jerks because I have to. At the same time just because your values don’t overlap with someone else’s doesn’t mean you should be mean to them. I always try to be cordial with people even when I don’t agree with them. Being honest and real is one of the most important things that I look for in a close friend or anyone.
SUPPORT AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
There are times when you don’t believe in yourself and you need that extra boost whether it’s from a friend or family to lift you up and help you to keep going. This is especially true for me because there have been times when I’ve been struggling and a friend would say something that would literally turn things around. I also really pay attention and i’m appreciative to the small things that people do for me when they don’t have to. For example my friend going out of her way to help me with my skin struggles just really made my day. People in my circle are those that love me when i’m on my worst behavior and support my goals and dreams, without feeling like they have to bring me down because things are not working for them or act like we are in competition. Having a small circle for me makes it easy to know exactly who to turn to in most situations because I know this person in depth instead of just superficially. Also, i’m an introvert and can’t keep up with a crowd lol.
VALUES AND PRIORITIES
There are certain things which I value in life and for someone to be in my circle, our values have to overlap on some level. It’s like applying for a job, you don’t just want to work for any company you apply to companies that spark your interest in some way. This is 100% true for my close friends, there has always been something that sparked my interest in them or created an aha moment. Additionally, I admire friendships where there is growth and when we are each others catalyst to be our best selves and better than we were yesterday.
FALLING OUT IS NOT AN OPTION BUT IT’S OKAY
Friendship to me is like my relationship with Haagen Dazs butter pecan ice cream, there would be times when I wouldn’t eat it as much for whatever reason but that doesn’t mean I stopped loving it. It just means I need some space or we are having little hiccups but when i’m back and the hiccups are gone we would continue from where we left off like nothing happened. I’ve been friends with most of the people in my circle for at least 1+years, and there have been times when I’ve needed my space and they have needed their space but that never means we stopped being friends. There have been times when we have had our differences but we have been able to fix it and move on, but other times we haven’t been able to and have fallen out and that’s okay. Falling out with someone I consider I friend is never something I want but at the same time, people change, people grow, values change and priorities change then you grow apart. That’s completely normal and it took me a while to come to terms with this because I like holding on. I’ve fallen out of friendship with someone people and for the longest time, I blamed myself and thought I should have done things differently but that’s because I was attributing my value to being friends with this person which is wrong on every level. Never feel like you have to hold on to someone or something in order to feel valuable.
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Alieh Kimbeng 