I’m excited and nervous to write this post because It’s sort of a self appreciation, reflection and “it’s going to be okay letter to myself”. Also, for the first time in my life I’ve decided to do something for myself on my birthday, instead of other people doing something for me or doing nothing at all….. I’m going to New York for my birthday!
Even though I have no plans on what to do there yet, I feel like it’s the most appropriate place for me to go at this stage in my life because I’m really trying to immerse myself in the fashion and style world. This is actually a big deal for me because I’m a true Libra and we are known for being indecisive, so i’m super proud of myself for having this idea and buying my flight on the same day. Now, here are 19 things I’ve learned over the past year.
1. Awareness is Always the First Step
This is something which i’ve learned over the past year and which I continue to learn. You can’t really improve anything about yourself or different aspects of your life if you are not aware of first of all your strengths, as well as your weaknesses. One thing I do with some friends and even at my job is I continuously ask for feedback, but be careful whom you listen to because some people may not have your best interest and also don’t take feedback too personal.
2. It’s Okay to Let my Guard Down and be Vulnerable Once in a While
If you talk to my sisters or cousins, they would probably describe me as someone who doesn’t really show emotion. This is true but it’s because i’m very guarded which sometimes makes me very defensive. I hate getting emotionally hurt (Who does lol) and to me having all these walls prevents me from getting hurt. I also used to see vulnerability as a sign of weaknesses but I was so wrong. Being vulnerable allows me to self explore and be more aware of who I am. Also, getting hurt is part of life and I can’t constantly live in fear because one day my guards will eventually fall but the truth is everything heals with time, it may take days or years but it will be okay eventually. Also, building all these walls and being super guarded prevents me from experiencing other emotional connections in my life.
3. It’s Better to Let People in than to Push them Out
Going off my guarded personality, I’ve zero patience and I used to cut people off who hit my emotional nerve, but I’ve learned that most of the time the people who often hit that nerve are the ones who love me the most and their intentions are usually in the right place. It’s always better to assume the best and come from a place of understanding, instead of assuming the worst. Also, people can’t read minds so, i’ve learned to talk about the way i’m feeling instead of going off my assumptions. Lastly, being vulnerable is a sign of strength not weakness.
4. Leaving the Dishwasher Open After Hand Washing Dishes and Putting it in There Makes them Actually Dry.
I grew up in Cameroon and dish washers are non-existent, so even now that I have one I barely use it. I actually just learned how to use a dishwasher this year and If you have ever washed dishes and put them in the dishwasher to dry and the don’t…well, you’re welcome.
5. The Party Scene is not my Thing and I Will Probably Always Be A Teetotaler
I love to party and go out with my friends but it’s not something that I like doing on the weekly, maybe monthly, which is why going to a club is probably not going to be on my birthday to do list. I will rather explore places, try new things, learn new skills and play games. Also, I don’t like alcohol and i’m completely fine with that. People sometimes find it hard to believe when I tell them I don’t drink because everyone around me does, but it never bothers me.
6. Don’t Stress About Likes and Number of Followers on Instagram. Filtering My Instagram Feed is Key
When I started blogging in 2014, I stopped because I wasn’t getting “enough” likes but as I’ve grown, I don’t really care about it anymore. I focus more on appreciating my posts and growing my content. Once I started doing this, it was like a weight got lifted off my chest. I remember I used to be so obsessed with number of likes that I will check which of my friends/family didn’t like my posts and actually hold a mini grudge over it which was ridiculous. Also, I unfollowed a bunch of people whose feeds were stressing me out unintentionally. It’s so easy to say don’t compare yourself to others but it actually very difficult to do. Sometimes just looking at some people’s instagram feed makes me feel like i’m not enough and in my head i’m constantly like why can’t I do that, why isn’t this happening for me etc Sometimes, some people’s instagram feeds inspire me but I haven’t fully found the balance between inspiration and jealousy, which I am currently working on. So far unfollowing and peeking only when necessary works for me.
7. Get Out More and Don’t be Scared to Interact with the World
I’m a homebody and i’m usually content being at home but the more I go out and explore, I actually feel like i’m living and not existing. Fear would be the death of me. I’m usually so anxious, unconfident and afraid that I talk myself out of doing most things. This maybe surprising to some people who view me as confident, but I’m just faking it, until I become it. These past year, I’ve become more aware of this mental barrier so instead of spending time thinking about it, I try not to think about it and just do it. The pressure of people judging me or being critical of me also prevented me from doing a lot of things but I started asking myself, is going to matter a week, a month or a year from today what they think? and the answer is usually no. Every time the answer is no, I just go ahead and do it. Also, I have to constantly remind myself that these criticisms are usually made up in my head and not real. Every time I prevent myself from actually doing something, the fear builds up, but every time I don’t, I get a little closer to breaking the cycle and be free of fear.
8. Hard Work Really Pays Off
This is a little bit cheesy but it is so true. Every time I have put a little effort into something, I’ve always learned something even when I didn’t get results. Hard work goes hand in hand with working smarter instead of harder. Working smarter to me always means understanding the basics and why I am doing whatever it is that I am doing. When i’m able to fully understand the why, instead of following the crowd and doing what everyone else is doing, everything comes to perspective and makes it makes my life easier and less stressful.
9. I like being traditional in some aspects of my life and online dating is one of them
I’ve downloaded a couple of dating apps and the longest I’ve had them in my phone is one week. Online dating is just something i’m not good at, I just prefer meeting people in person and going from there. I remember downloading a dating app and my friend had to respond to all the messages for me because I was so bad at texting and responding to the messages on time.
10. When it Comes to Dating I’m so Worth it, to Settle for Anyone
I went through a phase where I felt like I had to date guys who showed some interest in me because most people I knew were in relationships. Needless, to say that never went well and I ended up just ghosting the guys which is a horrible thing to do. Now I don’t feel pressured and I’m actually okay with being upfront and saying NO, because when I genuinely care for someone, I put my heart and my soul into the relationship and if he is not going to treat me like the QUEEN that I am, I don’t want it. Also, I don’t understand the we are just dating, not bf/gf yet, trying to figure it out so, I can talk to other people nonsense, If you’re with me you’re with me, period. I’m too grown to be with someone who hasn’t figured it out.
11. I would probably never go on a diet
I avoid anything that has fat free, zero sugar, gluten free etc on the label because i’m not allergic to fat, gluten or sugar lol and I’m pretty sure my body needs all these nutrients. I believe in portion control, unprocessed foods, variety and adding things to my diet instead of taking things out. It’s okay for me to have cake, ice cream etc as long as my diet is not entirely ice cream and cake. Also, I love all types of food, so depriving myself is never going to work. I honestly feel like all these diets are becoming a disease and I try to have a better relationship with food instead of defaulting to a diet.
12. Live in the Moment and Have no Regrets
I believe in God, the universe, zodiac signs etc and I also believe that everything happens for a reason. I am sometimes so self conscious that I can’t even fully live my life or be in the moment. This particular aspect is something I’m still working on. It’s inevitable to have no regrets but lately if it’s something I can’t change I try to let it go because regretting and stressing about it, is not going to change it.
13. I Like Having a Small Group of Friends
This is fully explained in this post
14. I Can’t Please Everybody
If you spend your life trying to please people, you would end up living their life and not yours. It’s so hard not to try to please people because we crave their love and affection but at the end of the day, I need to have boundaries and be aware of my capabilities instead of stretching myself out too thin.
15. Underneath the resting bitch face and walls that I’ve build around me, there is a sensitive emotional baby.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been super independent and always tried to prove to people that I can do it on my own but deep down, I like to be pampered sometimes and talk about my feelings and do lovey dovey stuff with my family and friends but I don’t know how because, it’s not the me they see lol. For example when my sister text’s me and says “Hi Sweetie” my response is usually “EWWW” because I just gotta live up to her expectations lol.
16. I don’t have to be friends with my co-workers
I used to go into jobs expecting to make friends etc, but I’ve learned that I don’t have to be friends with people I work with, if friendship happens along the way good and fine, if it doesn’t that’s okay as well. The most important thing is having mutual respect for each other and working together to get the job done. I like to keep my personal and work life as separate as I can.
17. People are Not Always Going to Support You in the Way that you Expect
People would support you in their own way and it’s not always going to be the way you want.This one has been something that I’ve come to terms with over the years. I used to feel bad when I felt like I didn’t get the support from my friends and family especially recently when I started my fashion styling business. I was like Damn none of y’all even shared my stuff but you’re posting other stuff etc, but the truth is people got their on baggage and stuff in their lives that they are dealing with and you can’t expect them to carry your own. I actually had to call myself out for feeling this entitled.
18. Make Use of Manufacturer Warranties and Returns
Soooo, this one is of my mottos. If I buy anything especially electronics and they stop working anytime within a year, I call the company directly. If I’m paying for something it better last long enough. Some people are actually not aware that they can return things within a year and get a new product at no cost. There was a time when I bought a winter coat from a department store and the zipper broke after 8 months so, I called them and said I expected it to last longer for the price I paid for it and guess what, I got myself a new coat for free. My sister actually thinks my return rate and return skills are ridiculous. Don’t tell anyone but I’ve once returned makeup after over a year because I never used it.
19. My Life is Nothing without God
I grew up going to church and i’ve always had a connection to God, but as I’ve grown older, I feel like my connection is not as strong. The church used to be a sanctuary for me but now some of the sermons in the Catholic church don’t even move me and I feel like I’ve wasted my time. I always say i’m God’s favorite child because looking back at my life and where I am today, there has to be someone up there taking care of me and open all these doors for me, because sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve the things and people in my life.
Dear Self, if you are reading this know that I’m extremely proud of the person you are and still to become. You’ve achieved so much and you’re not even fully grown. Pause the self doubt, negative self talk, living up to others expectations, inferiority complex etc and believe in yourself because the sky is your limit and you can move mountains. You have good heart, are brutally honest, and genuinely care about people. Don’t give up because you encounter little hiccups along the way. It’s okay to be imperfect because those are the things that make you shine and make you, you. It’s okay to fail as long as you see failure as a bend in the road not the end and turn those Ls into Lessons. Keep living your stylish and super extra life and I can’t for the woman you would become and the mountains you will move.
With Love….
Alieh Kimbeng 